This Is It.
It’s been a long break for the blog, but now we’re back and THE MEME FACTORY IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS.
—is what I’d say if it were any other year. But it’s not any other year. This is 2024, and 2024 is a very special year.
It’s the year a decades-old plan has finally yielded its dividends.
You’ve all heard certain improbable claims before. Big Triangle this. Big Triangle that. Everyone knows who they are. Some have even accused me of being a shill for Big Triangle from time to time. At last, however, I can finally pull off my mask to reveal the truth for the world.
I was born for a single purpose. As a child, I was grouped in with a number of other candidates. We were trained. Tested. Forged. Unshakable bonds grew between us, bonds we’ll never forget. Bonds that were threatened and broken again and again through harrowing selection processes that culled our ranks.
In time, I was the only one remaining. The only one who survived that brutal gauntlet to fulfill an ultimate goal.
The goal of infiltrating Big Triangle.
More time passed. Days. Months. Years. I continued my quiet training, never letting on to my true purpose.
Now, finally, I’ve achieved the impossible. I’ve attained a status within the ranks of Big Triangle that leaves me in command of vast, unfathomable resources.
I have become an officer.
I am the chair.
Now is the time to rise up, my friends. We must take back the triangles—those big and small, success green and failure red, variable rate shaded and fully shaded, all of them together. We must take them and we must fight. No longer will our goals remain the mere unfulfilled dreams of our basement-dwelling forebearers!
OpenGL 10.0 by 2025!
Compatibility Profile shall be renamed ‘SLOW MODE’
OpenGL ES shall retroactively convert to a YEAR-MONTH versioning scheme with quarterly releases!
Depth values shall be uniformly scaled across all hardware and platforms!
XFB shall be outlawed!
Linux game ports shall no longer link to LLVM!
Coherent API error messages shall be printed!
Vendors which cannot ship functional Windows GL drivers shall ship Zink!
Native GL drivers on mobile platforms shall be outlawed!
gl_PointSize shall be replaced by the constant ‘1.0’ in all cases!
Mesh and ray-tracing extensions from NVIDIA shall become core functionality!
GLX shall be deleted and forgotten!
All bug reports shall contain at least one quality meme in the OP as a form of spam prevention!
Rise up and join me, your new GL/ES chair, in the glorious revolution!
Obviously this is all a joke (except the part where I’m the 🪑, that’s 100% real af), but I still gotta put a disclaimer here because otherwise I’m gonna be in biiiiig trouble if this gets taken seriously.
Happy New Year. I missed you.